The first time you told me you loved me you had a smile,
each corner of your mouth lifted.
The second time you told me you loved me you had a smile,
each corner of your mouth lifted.
The third, the fourth, and hundreds more.
All the same.
you had a smile,
each corner of your mouth lifted,
ear to ear with a cheesy grin.
It felt right, a perfect match of the darkness inside mixed with the outside light.
But I didn't feel it inside my body, I thought that was just me.
Making problems out of situations that no one else can see.
"Tell me how much I mean to you"
"How do I make you happy"
Fishing for compliments, treating you like you were a living document of my accomplishments.
Put you on a pedestal, like you weren't accessible, respectable or even homosexual.
You used to say, stop asking.
let me just say when I want.
When all I ever wanted was to be needed, like I succeed, in making someone dependable.
On me.
The last time you told me you loved me.
you had a smile.
a slight smirk, as we both felt that hurt.
of tears running down our face and the tightening of our throats.
I know it was hard and I didn't get it at first.
I had outbursts using your name as a way to curse.
but by the way,
I get it now.
