£300 bet.

Normally my weeks go really fast but I'm willing to bet anyone a mass amount of money that this week will be the slowest most boring week ever!

Sexually Frustrated or Just Plain Nerves.

I bite my lip, Chew pens, bite my nails, chew my phone, take off bottle wrappers, tap my fingers, fiddle with my hair and a number of other things all ending up to a big summary of either I'm constantly nervous about something or I'm sexually frustrated, let you decide :)

Fuck You?

Sometimes, I turn around and catch the smell of you and i cannot go on i cannot fucking go on without expressing this terrible so fucking awful physical aching fucking longing i have for you. And i cannot believe that i can feel this for you and you feel nothing. Do you feel nothing?

Do you feel nothing?

And i go out at six in the morning and start my search for you. If ive dreamt a message of a street or a pub or a station I go there. And i wait for you.

You know, I really feel like im being manipulated.

I've never in my life had a problem giving another person what they want.But no one's ever been able to do that for me. No one touches me, no one gets near me. But now you've touched me somewhere so fucking deep I can beleive and I cant be that for you. Because i cant find you.

What does she look like?
And how will i know her when i see her?
She'll die, she'll die, she'll only fucking die.

Do you think its possible for a person to be born in the wrong body?

Do you think its possiblefor a person to be born in the wrong era?

Fuck You. Fuck You. Fuck you for rejecting me by never being there, fuck you for making me feel shit about myself, fuck you for bleeding the fucking love and life out of me, fuck my father for fucking up my life for good and fuck my mother for not leaving him, but most of all, fuck you God for making me love a person who does not exist, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.






it's just something im doing for my course at college.

1..2..3..4

Dont 2nd 3rd 4th me down, i cant deal.

...

. Enough Said? cause nothings been said...why put your foot in it, just leave it let it breeze if not then walk away.

Epic Little Drive!

So yesterday was just a normal day went to college went over the pub went to university of Kent in Canterbury...say what! yes readers! yesterday i got picked up by Alex and me Matt Emma and of course Alex went to get our Hannah. when Alex first picked me up he looked quite excitable...he said he something to tell me, i wont lie i got a fickle bit scared..he then came out with were going to pick up Hannah! omgawdd i was so excited so we picked Emma and we weren't going to tell Emma but we did in the end and she got changed then we picked up Matt and didn't tell him, went for a "little" ;) drive, omgawddd I've never seen a university place before and i was so shocked and thrilled by the idea, i got to see what the housing was like...its cute, and i got too see Hannah! was so cool, we then went to Asda in ashford and OMGEE! they have conveyor belts and the self checkouts! WHAT THE HECK!! (P.s...i tried not to natter away ;) haha)

Drama geekys

Yesterday we had our second lesson of the crucible, it was a good lesson we did the scene where Abigail is telling the girls that if they say anything shell basically kill them and we all went in to groups and each person took a different role...I was Betty the one that has a few lines but is unconscious for most of it until one bit when she runs...i sat and watched the other groups do it and none of them were going for it...with which Nicola was like just go for it don't fake fight actually hit each other...me and my group agreed that we didn't mind being hit if it looked better, so when it came to my bit about running i up and legged it with which they didn't catch me in enough time so Nicola came over and counted down i ran and as soon as i was about 2 inches from the "bed" I was literally being dragged back by a handful of people, and Nicola was just saying get free tiff, so i was struggling with which most of the class turned round and watched, it was so exhilarating and i loved!! doing it, she asked to show our piece and we rocked that SHIT!!!

We then did sexual tension...and well were short on  boys (we have 4) so me and Rach went together, at first we giggled a few times then we actually focused, and damn it was shit hot!

Truthful.

Why live life safely...take a risk. Just jump. you never know. whats the worst they can say yes or no. spend the rest doubting yourself or saying what if.

Realy..Why...IDIOT!

I don't understand where my wages goes i have it ohh about four days and already I've only got about a quarter left which will be spent very soon...i need to be more careful!

We had too much fun!

One of the funniest things ive done for a while! <3

Makes me smile.

When people tell me they regualry read my blog i actually get really happy...that is all.

Celeb.

Got my second booking for a wedding...the first one is my uncles and the next is a friend from when i was younger, both weddings in 2012 <3

Realisation.

That moment when youre watching a film a really fucking good one at that and then you get to the end and they put a shitty cliffhanger "keep you thinking ending" okay thats cool if there gonna bring out another one but really quickly piss off with your cliff hanging i dont need more to think about :) thanks.

Saying Bye.

One Last Drink!

Last night a leaving drinks was organised so we could get together a last time for the people that go uni. It was a funny night and there were a lot of laughs and after a while a lot of pictures! This was a group picture and even then there was people still missing, but this is just a post on my blog to say good bye to the uni students whom are Megan McDowall, Hannah Buckland and Courtney Richardson (and any more than didn't come last night) have a wicked time, were all gonna miss you more than you think and see you in Christmas (: xxxx <3

Same Old.

I'm Ill. :)

Win.

So i know an awesome photographer that said he will give me free headshots with no catch...whatta babe! :)

Lost hope.

I don't know if my title is what i mean but i had such an ambition and a feeling to do well and in this last few months its gone, i cant find it, i more worried about what I'm wearing and how much i eat rather than getting my grades and actually working, i really need to have a rethink about my priorities :/

New Start

So its the beginning of a new long college year, and i found out i got in to Drama and Theatre Studies, which I've heard is such a demanding course and have been told over a thousand times that i will love it! I'm excited for this new college year, I am beyond determined to do well, I'm keeping my head down and hopefully will come out with good grades! :)

Been a while.

So its been a while since a crazy house party, I just cant wait for my boy to turn 18!

So i don't know how many of you listen to me when i say go on my friends blog, but for the people that don't. Here's a snippet from her last entry! <3

The most annoying thing is that you usually try and defend them and say "oh no, he's different, he truly loves me" bla bla bla when actually, deep down, you know you're bullshitting yourself. Girls, we are not the exception, we are the rule. No use dreaming about film or book love because that stuff happens to 10% of us. And no, it won't just happen one day while you're reading the daily paper, you won't just magically find your Mr. Right in the school/work caffé and he won't serenade you telling you you're the one he's been looking for. And lastly, he won't turn out to be a sexy and mysterious vampire. Sorry, but Edward Cullen doesn't exist. But love? Yes that does, otherwise what are we all doing here?
<3

Getting it

Ive always been a little on the quiet side when it comes to talking about my deep problems, but most recently I've been able to tell people without feeling guilty and each time something new comes out so does the weight off my shoulders...I'm becoming me again!

:)

Today, i was like meh don't wanna go work, got there and had a bit of a laugh! Today I'm actually having a wicked day, and seeing as I've been the biggest depressive shit ever i thought i would share with you that unlike most days, I'm the happiest girl alive right now aha :) Good time ;) <3

Noight biatches, take care :P

tehe

One little thing, and I'm giggling my little head off again! xD

Then Suddenly

Today started out great and then for some reason was like a block of dominoes one after another they went down and my day got worse till, i just burst in too tears and tears that were different from when i normal cry, this week has by far been the most depressing week for me,

"Surrounded by a thousand souls but greeted by none."

Summers nearly finished!

So i thought i would wrap up my summer in a little blog of pictures ( i say little, but i know it wont be!)

The photos are all over the place sorry :)