Hitting it hard..

In just a couple of days we embark on a new year full of laughter, shame, upset, and down right shit times!! But we know that, so why do we get so annoyed at the end of the current year saying stuff like "it's been a shit year and I've realised all I can count on is myself" I swear you've said that two years on the trot.

So I've never been a big fan of quotes or saying but I've especially always hated when people have said the saying new year new me, no because you will always be that neurotic arsehole that nobody likes. I've never said this saying, it's been such a weird thing for me.
2014 coming up though.. I've never thought and felt the way I do right now, I turn 20 next year (that's not old, I know, but that's a quarter of my life, gone. Vanished vaullah!!) I also start my final year at uni.. There are so many events next year that I can't wait to see.. Some of my friends even turn 21.

Now I always swore I would never say the saying 'New Year, New Me.' But this year I can't help but feel a little like that, I wanna hit hard into 2014, go in to the next year with a better outlook on life, I always thought I was quite an optimistic person, to my surprise I was recently told that's not actually the case. Sometimes your own thoughts and perception can fog up what you actually see and do. I sat here basically thinking I was a happy, laid back girl. I found out I was a bloody stress head, who over thinks and over worries!! Like heck yeah!!

I have however noticed that some of my senses are heightened for example I can pretty much see a lesbian a mile off, which yes did help me a lost in the last year. But also, I can pretty much tell when anyone and everyone's lying. If there trying to test me I don't normally notice, but if someone's actually trying to hide something or bend the truth I can always tell. I never voice that I think there lying I feel in time they will tell me, but till then I never truly trust them. Which can be really frustrating when you want to put your trust in someone but you have that barrier.

Most of all out of everything I'd say this year was a lucky one. Yeah shit happened, like everyone has but I have two parents who are alive and well, siblings who are also the same, myself I am finally making a better recovery with my kidneys, it's been 4 months since the pain, so that's good!! I finished my first year at uni, I moved into my own house with friends, I had a fun year, an to end the year off I leave 2013 with a girlfriend.

I wouldn't say I'm a sop, but damn. This girl makes me feel and say things that make me feel weak. I ain't ever had feelings like this before. I thought my past relationships were something special, but this girl proves that this isn't the case. I can actually sit in pure silence with her, and not even be bothered. I can't go into detail too much, because she's in bed next to me all snuggled up and I'd much rather go back and snuggle her than write more.

THANKYOU 2013. 

Still that growing butterfly.

So, when you start speaking to someone, you get all these rush of feelings and emotions that you didn't think were possible since your previous relationship. You start to feel invincible again like no one could bring you off this high. Yet you still feel a tad un easy about trusting someone intimately. You put this barrier, this block up to protect yourself from whatever you think may harm you. When really the only thing harming you is you. You eventually over time have that wall taken down. You start to open up and trust this other person you have spent so much time with over such little time. They make you laugh and smile, and you could swear you'd never laughed this much. 

They create this special bond, that emotionally lifts you out of this world, and you know what physically as well!! You could fit a thousand wars for this person, and you would get in the way of anyone harming them, regardless of how big they are and how little you are. 

You begin to realise, that these feelings, this little caterpillar thats been squirming away in your stomach for the last two months is growing, and it come out of that cocoon and has learnt to fly. These tiny seed has blossomed. Before you know it, you've found that you are starting to fall for this other person. You want to just look at them all the time, to see them smile or hear them laugh. That smell (you know what I'm on about) You cannot describe it ever, but its just them in everything. On there clothes, on there skin, on there sheets.

I recently have had this, a flourishing new relationship that makes me feel so alive. Not so much though when i haven't seen her for near three weeks, yeah that sucks!! 

I guess this post is to let my readers know, that I found someone who really cares about me, I've never had someone talk about me the way she does. I've never felt so special to someone, and someone has never felt so special to me. 

It's early times, we haven't really been going long, but I know, that this time, this life i'm living doesn't feel like a waste with her. 

My reflections on myself in a relationship is maybe that I don't talk enough, but I'm trying to force myself to do so. 

Her, yeah she's probably the best thing to happen to me in the year of 2013.

I've fallen in love with a perfectly, imperfect, geeky, funny and beyond beautiful girl. 

How do you know..

How do you know when its time to put your phone down and stop texting someone, or put your laptop away and stop chatting to them on skype. 

How do you know when you walked too far or spoken for too long. 

How do you know when you've spent far too much time in bed being lazy or you haven't given yourself enough time for rest. 

You feel its right. 

You know when that is because you feel it in your gut yeah?

So why is my body telling me to give up spending time and effort on someone who cant decide wether they want you in there life. 

Okay they start spending more time with you and there texting more and you feel like your connecting more and laughing. But if it takes someone over a month to tell you what they want surely they know. Do they know they don't want something but cant bring themselves to stop whatever it is you have. I'm scared, scared of what i'll become when they leave. It sounds silly as I have only known this girl for a maximum three months. It sounds like a small amount of time but when you spend so many hours and so much effort on someone.

A blast from the past.

You grow up briefing knowing someone, you don't talk to much. But as you get older you start to realise maybe you have more in common than you thought. 

It's not until someone is there for you that you really notice them massively. When someone listens to you rant and they help you with your problems do you really start to appreciate someone. 

You go through similar situations in life, it would feel.. 

I 've know this girl for quite a long time, and only really recently over the last few months have i really started to sit up and appreciate who she was. A genuine nice person, now you don't get many of them around so how was it I am only noticing now. 

Maybe I have been blind before about who actually cares about peoples feelings and who doesn't. So it would be stupid for me to pass up, talking to someone and getting to know someone better if I find them awesome to talk to. Never mind the fact that growing up, they were always a bit of a role model. 

They finished school with good grades and continually does well in everything they seem to touch. So talking to them will do wonders for my mind right. 

I never write personal posts about people, well unless its bad normally, because my blog is kind of where I rant. 

But today I write a post about a beautiful strong woman. Who needs to be told, not to let anyone bring her down, trust yourself. I don't know situations in you life, but go with your gut. If something doesn't feel right, then someone isn't right, you didn't make it up in your mind. You are the best judge not anyone else. 

Dont let anyone push you around and take advantage you are too much of a nice person to let people do that. You are stronger than you think.