Life is so weird.

Life is so bloody weird, that thought that everybody lives a life. 

In my families life I play a big role, as do we all within our families. 

In my friends life I play a smaller role but never the less its still a role. 

In that girl who works in Starbucks who served me a caramel latte yesterday. I play the tinniest role, but I was still a part of her day, no matter how insignificant I was.

But yet she goes home and has her own problems and her own roles. When she was making my latte, what was she thinking - about how to make the latte or about how busy it was that day or even what her plans for the evening were. 

We coexist in each others life and it completely baffles me, this was never really bought to my attention until Sophie once mentioned it. Since then I hadn't thought of it too much, until I started travelling back and fourth to London a lot. I was see so many different people on trains, that I started to realise I wanted to make a difference to peoples days. 

(I haven't told anyone this yet, but here it goes.) 

I did that thing, where you tell someone you don't know that there beautiful, or that the fragrance there wearing smells great. Something, just to make them feel special. Hell I have definitely got some funny looks from it, but the response is great. I'm not doing it for a reply, I don't want a compliment back its not about that. For me it was about making someones day different. 

The reason I started doing this, I was in London about two weeks back meeting someone in central to go watch a show, when a boy approached me and told me he'd been reading a book and that it changed his perspective on life anyway what it made him realise is that he wanted to just take risks. Unfortunately for the guy he picked the wrong girl, being gay I told him would mean although I am flattered by his gesture to want to wine and dine me, I would have to decline, hell it would of been great to get to know this guy and we did chat for approximately twenty minutes before he briefly hugged me and scuttled off. 

It made me realise though that he had faith to take a leap after he spotted me on the street, to then ask me on a date. I love that concept of just going for it and swore I would do the same. 

For me it isn't about dating but just taking that leap, I guess in some ways I am quite reserved so for me this has been so beneficial, it makes my train journeys a lot more pleasing when I have a girl or guy sitting opposite to me, I'll just start with a smile and if they respond and smile back, I'll go on to say something about them that I notice straight away be it.. a beautiful set of blue eyes, or the way they smile. 

So if there is anyone reading this that likes the idea, then do it.. I cant begin to explain how pleasing it is to here that smile in someones voice when they realise a stranger thinks beautiful. 

Hell you might even meet someone from it. 

I want I want.

I want. 

A phrase that when immediately heard I think of a spoilt little 7 or 8 year old girl telling her mummy and daddy that she wants this and that.

But the topic I am using I want for today, isn't the same, I guess you could say there is a spoilt element to it, about what I want. 

I however do not believe it is something I cannot have.. 

I want to be the reason someone cant sleep because there so excited about seeing me the next day. I want to be the background on someones phone. I want someone to go home to there friends and say this is her. I want to be the reason they wake up smiling. I want to be the reason they make an effort for dinner or lunch. I want to be the person that makes them feel comfortable enough to chill out in sweats with there hair up and no makeup. I want to be the person they can laugh and snort in front of. I want to be the reason for that smile on there face. I want to be the spoon that they cuddle up to or be cuddled by. I want to be the reason that every time they smell that smell they get butterflies. I want to be the person that they say I love you, too. I want to be the reason for the butterflies. I want to be the reason for them having no free text or calls left. I want to be the person they call first when they cry. I want to be the person holding there hand at friend or families funeral. I want to be the owner of the jumper or top they cant stop wearing. I want to be the reason they look at the stars and the moon and then realise I'm right there with them. I want to be the reason thy write a love letter. I want to be the person they cant go a single day without talking to. 

I want to be the reason they say I do. 

Today I thought a lot about marriage about finding the one and settling down. I don't mean now, I couldn't say I was ready for that, because I'm most certainly am not. Its just weird. My life partner, my soulmate is out there, hell I could of met them already, I could be friends with them. The person I am going to marry is living there life and they are smiling or crying. Regardless of that though they are a living breathing person, going through life. 

Sometimes I forget how amazing people and the world is. 

What is your opinion on love?

I sometimes feel like such a "hippy" when I think or talk about love. 

Love is everywhere, between your friends and family. That special someone you've been together with since you were 8 or that guy/girl that sits in front of you in class. 

Either way, its there. It may not be the same love you give to your mum or your partner, but its there.

I tend to ask the question a lot, what is your opinion on love. 

When I'm sat with people it turns into a lovely debate/talk about what others think love is about, or what it involves, or sometimes even what they've experienced. 

All in all though, everyone has something that they always go back to, they've all experienced love.

Before writing this piece I knew I wanted to get some opinions from others on what love is for them and I did.  The great thing about asking this, was at first some hesitated.. one even put "Cor Blimey." It's something hard to write about, but saying that everyone has an opinion on it. 

The question I asked is the title. 

'What is your opinion on Love?' 

Katy - 

The ability to be the best thing in the world. But also the ability to be the worst thing in the world. At the moment most important to me is the love i have for my friends and my family. I was actually just talking to a friend earlier who said she hardly ever tells her mum she loves her because she doesnt want it to be a throw away phrase, but i tell my mum i love her multiple times a day, on the phone or like today when she came back for her lunch break from work and left again. And just because i say it alot, in no way is it ever a throw away comment. Love is what we all strive for.

Anonymous Guy - 

Love is this word that seems to get tossed around so easily, 'I would love a cup of tea', 'I love that film'

But the feeling of love goes much deeper than that. As someone who is described as logical, sarcastic and guarded, I have done some of the most illogically things and soppy things due to being in a state of love. It is mind altering. But not to be confused with infatuation which people seem to misinterpret for love easily. From my experience it has made me willing to do or suggest things to do with another, not for my own enjoyment, but simply because it will make the other person happy. When I reflect it has led to some of my most selfless actions. But I have witness it truly bring out the worst side in people, all in the name of love.

Hannah - 

Love is amazing. Love is something that consumes us. Becomes our every thing. We love constantly. We can find it anywhere. 

Love is dangerous though. It's a risky game to play. It is what can make you or break you. Yet with every love that seems to break you, those around you who love you will build you up again. Love is always there, even in our darkest days

Anonymous Girl - 

I feel like I'm in two halves about love. I was the one in english class who defended Romeo and Juliet's love, when everyone else was calling them reckless and rash. Not to mention being a Disney fanatic, and I need not to elaborate on the ideals of love that presents. However, I would definitely not fall into the category of being a 'lovey dovey' person. 'Promposals' are the latest on a long list of growing phenomena that make me want to vom. Also appearing on the list are Facebook relationship statuses, cringeworthy gushing paragraphs (we all know some offenders there) and people who talk so intensely about being 'being love'. I guess it could be said that I'm just 'jealous', which leads into the other side of my feelings about love, the side that probably is an influence on my averse reaction to soppiness. I believe that love does exist, but worry that it won't end up finding me. This is silly, paranoid, blah blah blah, but I do hesitate to say 'there's someone for everyone', because, sadly, sometimes there's not, and I cannot shake the fear that I will be one of those people. Having said this, I already know I'm wrong. Love has already visited my life, in the form of my friends, who, as I discussed with one of my closest girls recently, can be your true soul mates, as opposed to a partner.

Rachel - 

I think there are different types of love, the love you feel for a relative or friend (or food;) ) is different from love you'd feel from a partner. In my opinion when someone falls in love - properly- they fall in love with that persons soul. That person suddenly turns into the most beautiful & desirable person in the world to them, even if they're not their regular 'type' - or gender.

Sophie -

I think its stupid that people think they can even describe love, everyone feels it differently, its a different emotion for everyone. although saying that i agree we all share it. I immediately thought of love for a sexual partner rather that love for a family or relative as they are completely different. You know you love someone when you start to love them more than yourself, I don't mean egotistical or in vanity, I mean in a life or death situation where you would put yourself first if they were to come in harms way. There is no specific description of love because there is no same love. No two love is the same, you don't feel the same sort of hatred or the same sort of jealousy as anyone else in this world. People make out love is really rare, but I don't think it is, if you have an open mind then it will come. Love is more than what you can put into a poetic sentence. love is simple love just is.

Ali - 

Love to me is like a virus that utterly consumes you and breaks your barriers and walls down and leaves you naked and vulnerable to someone. It is an ultimate game of trust where you leave your self totally at the mercy of someone else. Should they feel the same about you, you go on to build something. Should they break your heart you again build barriers and walls until someone else comes along. Being hurt and broken by loving someone in itself gives value to love when you find that one special person. It is a drug worth taking regardless of how bad the hangover is.

Tiffany - 

I'm not sure if my take on love is something that you haven't already read or heard, but its the way I choose to look at love, like truly look at it. If I have ever spoken to you about love, disregard it, because right now is my honest opinion. I like to sit and listen on what people feel love is about or there opinion is on it, I am someone that is very open to my opinion being changed about love, so I'm very easily swayed with what people say about it. 

But for me. 

I cant even sit here and explain love, because sometimes I just feel stupid, I'm only 19 and here I am trying to put my take on it, when sometimes I don't even know what love is. Yet on the other hand, I think love can be the most uplifting emotion you have, it takes me to a new extreme. It can either be over explained with lots of fancy words. Sometimes love isn't explainable, its just there. A raw emotion that we feel. Yes that feeling maybe little and small or large and mighty, but it lives inside of our souls. I have felt love, and I have felt heartbreak and I often put those two together. I in fact too often mix them and I even say love for me is shit.. but I know Its not. Love is taught throughout school and life as something we have to share with everyone and we get this perfect idea of what love is. I hate that idea of perfect love, there is no perfect love. There is just emotion which happens to be love. 

Now for me this was probably one of the most eye opening pieces I have written, well kind of, I hardly did anything, other than just read what everyone had put. It was a lot to take in, everyone I asked was of an age between 19-23, bar one person who is in there late 20's. Now I think maybe If I were to do this again but only ask people say about 30 or 40, then the outcome might be either very different or fractionally different. It would be interesting to see the results.

I just wanted to do this piece to show everyone, that love is different for everyone. I know we all know that but I think we forget. Love I think is something we should say more to each other, I don't see enough love around anymore. 
(P.s thank you to everyone who gave me there opinion it was massively appreciated!! You are some great people to me.)

Stopppppp.

How do you stop yourself from making the wrong actions, why do I keep looking back on the last few days and regretting all of my choices.

I feel I don't give my girlfriend enough justice, I talk about how I feel for her and etc but I never explain what she's like and how she's this fucking amazing.

It's no lie I can be such an annoying lil prick sometimes, I even annoy myself at times, so when you're close to someone you annoy them most, and sometimes I can see on her face that, that day isn't the day for me to be annoying. I see that and yet I do it anyway, and she still loves me for it no more no less.

Sometimes I can just be a downright miserable little bitch, and she has to put up with it, which isn't fair.. why is it her fault that I'm being a grump. I snap like a mother fucker and just say things that I don't even think about if they might hurt her feelings. I'm just being stubborn and pissed off. When I think about it now, I'm like no thats not being pissed off or stubborn that being plain rude and stupid. I wanna go back and say don't be an arse or you'll lose one of the best things that has ever happened to you.

Never did I think this girl laid in bed next to me right now would be here by my side, making sure that my drunken ass self doesn't get in trouble or is drinking water after being sick. She's here with everything she has, pushing over that half way mark to grab me.

I have this tendency for when things start to get a bit more serious to push, for some reason my self conscious mind doesn't like me to be happy so I push people away, my heart is literally screaming at me for doing it, as I don't think I could go through not being next to her. But there this thing in my body that just tells me over and over 'she'd be happier without you, you should let her go.'

It's fucking hard to sometimes feel that, that I shout at her and tell her to leave. My whole body wanting her to stay and cuddle me and tell me everything will be okay.
I don't wanna be mean to her, and I don't wanna hurt her, but this thing in my body is really starting to take control of all my actions in life, and its sabotaging everything for me, pushing away friends and family. Even her.

Will I ever see this?

This morning, I have thought about life and then death.

How we have a set time, that we don't know. Our future is undecided. 

I could die tomorrow and if that were to happen, things that I've wanted to do so much, I wouldn't of done. 

I wouldn't have got to see, travel the world, go diving in the Caribbean sea, finished uni, see my sister/brother get married, or even me get married. 

I wouldn't get to spend time with nieces and nephews (who will eventually come.) 

I wouldn't get to see my friends children grow up to go to school. 

Then there a substantial things like I'd never see full acceptance of the LGBTQIA Community. 

But then even being alive in my lifetime, will we ever get full acceptance. I am not someone that sits here and says we don't get equal rights bladda blah. But its true, yeah we've come a long way from what it used to be like. Hell we've done well, we have fought for our rights and we finally got some of what we feel is right.

But still in this day and age, racism is high. I am firm believer in not fully judging a person until i've spoken to them. Well who doesn't say that, but always judges without meaning too.