I want I want.

I want. 

A phrase that when immediately heard I think of a spoilt little 7 or 8 year old girl telling her mummy and daddy that she wants this and that.

But the topic I am using I want for today, isn't the same, I guess you could say there is a spoilt element to it, about what I want. 

I however do not believe it is something I cannot have.. 

I want to be the reason someone cant sleep because there so excited about seeing me the next day. I want to be the background on someones phone. I want someone to go home to there friends and say this is her. I want to be the reason they wake up smiling. I want to be the reason they make an effort for dinner or lunch. I want to be the person that makes them feel comfortable enough to chill out in sweats with there hair up and no makeup. I want to be the person they can laugh and snort in front of. I want to be the reason for that smile on there face. I want to be the spoon that they cuddle up to or be cuddled by. I want to be the reason that every time they smell that smell they get butterflies. I want to be the person that they say I love you, too. I want to be the reason for the butterflies. I want to be the reason for them having no free text or calls left. I want to be the person they call first when they cry. I want to be the person holding there hand at friend or families funeral. I want to be the owner of the jumper or top they cant stop wearing. I want to be the reason they look at the stars and the moon and then realise I'm right there with them. I want to be the reason thy write a love letter. I want to be the person they cant go a single day without talking to. 

I want to be the reason they say I do. 

Today I thought a lot about marriage about finding the one and settling down. I don't mean now, I couldn't say I was ready for that, because I'm most certainly am not. Its just weird. My life partner, my soulmate is out there, hell I could of met them already, I could be friends with them. The person I am going to marry is living there life and they are smiling or crying. Regardless of that though they are a living breathing person, going through life. 

Sometimes I forget how amazing people and the world is. 

Will I ever see this?

This morning, I have thought about life and then death.

How we have a set time, that we don't know. Our future is undecided. 

I could die tomorrow and if that were to happen, things that I've wanted to do so much, I wouldn't of done. 

I wouldn't have got to see, travel the world, go diving in the Caribbean sea, finished uni, see my sister/brother get married, or even me get married. 

I wouldn't get to spend time with nieces and nephews (who will eventually come.) 

I wouldn't get to see my friends children grow up to go to school. 

Then there a substantial things like I'd never see full acceptance of the LGBTQIA Community. 

But then even being alive in my lifetime, will we ever get full acceptance. I am not someone that sits here and says we don't get equal rights bladda blah. But its true, yeah we've come a long way from what it used to be like. Hell we've done well, we have fought for our rights and we finally got some of what we feel is right.

But still in this day and age, racism is high. I am firm believer in not fully judging a person until i've spoken to them. Well who doesn't say that, but always judges without meaning too.