Tell Me

Tell me that you want and need me.
It's all I want to hear.
Ive been waiting for it all night.
Don't blame my feelings.
I cant help how I feel now.
Just give me a second time.

It's the truth.

I cannot seem to do anything right at the moment. 

I'll just sit in my room then.

Wait, am I just one of those people that radiates don't invite me to do anything, because it happened an awful lot at home, I come to uni, and it happens again.. hmm. I wonder. 

It's fine she's female to.

I am female (if you hadn't already gathered) I live, breath, smell, eat, smile as a female.
With my short hair, polo's, jeans and Vans wearing female, I will always be female.
I think like a female, I laugh like a female, I love and hate just like any female.
I eat and drink like every single female.

Then why is it that females trouble my brain and leave me with a speech misunderstanding.
I will never figure the female mind out I say to myself, you'll never figure yourself out, what do I fully want.
I am always confused with my ambitions, troubles and intentions.
Who do I want to be, I always ask myself?
I'll never fully know because I just cannot figure out this female mind.

I cannot figure out my own mind so trying to figure out another female seems almost impossible!!
It is, yes I can admit with that with my hands up, the female mind will always leave me in a trance of a thousand words, a million laughs and endless amount of tears and smiles.

I could speak of them, to them and around them at all hours, with a light fragrance in the air and a slight eye twinkle in my glare.
I wish there was some sort of way I could read the female mind, to find out what you actually mean, theres so much you say but you say so very little.
Keeping what I want to know deep inside, and the things that don't matter out.

Why cant everything just be a little simpler, a chance to breath and a chance to understand.
I feel like I am in a boat that just keeps capsizing, having loss of air, and shocking chances, going dizzy from the constant tipping.
There are no hands to grab. Because no one knows the female mind. No one knows there mind, you discover something new about yourself everyday. You grow as a person and you accept the person you are, you don't accept the hand you have been given and you go out and fight for what you feel is right and true. With no one stopping you, not matter how badly they want to.

"If I could have one wish, 

then I would like to be able to read signals, 

signs, and the female minds."

- Tiffany Robinson 23/01/2013 01.04am

Weird sort of Love Note.

I've let myself start to have feelings for someone, I don't think I'll be able to get.

She lives not far from me, when I am in Eastbourne.

But with this whole Uni Malarki how do I tell them then say bye and move back to London, she would constantly be on my mind like she is now, like now I can talk to her and meet her and not worry about like just leaving.

London isn't far but its far for people to commute, I'm saying it like this would ever happen. 

I'm never sure if the feelings are mutual one minute I'm thinking yes then the next I'm adamant its a no. 

I can't sleep because I lay awake just pondering on things she said to me about the past the present and the future.

You leave my head in a trance.

P.s thats a good trance by the way.

You've Changed - Yep I have, for the better.

I'm finding each day is getting easier back in Eastbourne and although I do miss the busy old streets of London, like Dorothy says, "theres no place like home."

I found it kind of tough being back at first I felt like no one wanted to see me, like my stories had become boring and that nobody knew me anymore, I found myself not taking shit from people anymore. Like I had actually grown up. I'm not going to lie to you but I thought this whole go to uni and become a grown up was a myth, I didn't feel any different just a sense of not belonging in my friends lives anymore and I just wanted to get back to the bustle of London with my new friends and to redo the last three months of boozing getting to know each other and fun. 

I came back to the place I felt was my home and where I loved where all my best friends were. But the more I thought the more I become to realise, Eastbourne isn't my home, it's just somewhere I grew up. London felt like home now, when talking about it I would often refer to it as back home. This did sadden a few friends for the sheer thought that I no longer feel this is my place of ease anymore. I feel more at ease in Kingston than I have ever felt anywhere else.

Kingston I go out looking like crap or I can go out to town in a pair of jeans converse and a jumper and be fine, I come back to eastbourne and put on the full works for the act of trying to fit in. Why am I trying to fit in to a place full of rejects, failures and no ambition.. I certainly will never not have ambition. 

I am one of the few out of my friends to actually come to university, when I was younger I watched my cousins go off and get there degrees not understanding the amount of work, effort and courage that they had for it. I now appreciate even the slight things my family, friends, teachers etc have ever done for me. 

Understanding it really is the little things in life that can make someone happiest, just telling someone you love them or miss them can bring a smile to anyone face, to know that there is someone in the world who needs them, it makes someone feel appreciated and most importantly wanted… everyone wants to be wanted no matter what they say. 

I don't even know the point of what I'm writing today. 

But I felt like writing!! 

LOVE. 

Hate.

I hate putting on weight more than anything, like most girls.

But yet I still do it, make it stop.

I'm not even over eating.
hmph.

Insomnia.

Fuck Off.

Say it...

I

1

2

4

Q

mature content. ;)

HARD.

I'd like to flick you in the face.

It's a Simple thing.

So I recently wrote a song for my friend, because she really does mean a lot to me, more than anyone thinks, literally without hesitation would jump in front of a gun for this girl. She has trouble with guys, like most girls, but being such a nice gorgeous girl I don't understand why guys treat her the way they do. She generally is like family to me, without her in my life my life would be infinitely simpler and boring, she brings an excitement and giggle to my days!!

Since being at university its made me appreciate my friends and family back home and just how much everyone did for me that I took for granted.

I've grown up a lot already since being here, and learnt mass amounts about everything, acting, singing, dancing, music, transport, reading people, imagination, films, tv programmes and most importantly myself.

My leading motto in life at the moment, since living in London would be "Just Jump" or "What's the worse that could happen" If you life like this, you'll find yourself taking more risks. Extra hours work, job offers, extra plays etc... If you just go for things "Jumping" you'll benefit yourself in the long run.

Since being here though I have a found I am a lot more in touch and closer to my emotional side, I havent cried so much ever!! So today I listened to an old song I used to listen to all the time back in Summer 2011 -

This song pretty much got me through everything, I didn't think I had a song with this sort of connection, all I have to do is listen to it, and it will either bring a tear to me or a smile.

It makes me think of all the fun times I had and all the giggles, and makes me think.
I wish I could go back... not to that moment in time, because the past is the past.
But
In a sense kind of go back, I want that naivety back and that look on the world that it isn't too cruel, no one can touch me im invincible, my confidence shining bright, my passion still alight.

With so much behind me already, but a thrive to carry on and find the future  let the wind take me in the soft breeze and flutter around like a leaf in spring.

Listening to this song just brings back a range of emotions that I can unleash, it makes me chill and just be filled with the warmth and laughter that, I am a luck girl.
I have my health, I am at University, I live in London, Family that are alive and well, Friends that I love, and I do something I love everyday.

Counting myself one of the fortunate ones of life.
No matter what your deception on my life is think its good or bad or neither nor.
Think what you want to, no one can tell me different.
Well you can.
But, I just wont listen.
Over
&
Out.

But why?

Just want you back in my life...

No name.

This blog post has no name. nothing significant nothing spectacular  Just a simple no name. But now you're wondering or you're putting a name to it.

This post should have a name either of a person or a place or even a post. 

Its name is no name.

Im in one of those moods where I want people to know something without me having to tell them.

If you figure this all out, Ill give you something genuinely close to my heart.

Only at Uni.

I've never appreciated my friends this much in my life.

New Friends -New Beginnings

New Beginnings - New Starts

New Starts - New People

New People - New Places

New Places - New Times

New Times - New Faces

New Faces - Old Memories.

Its not until you're abruptly taken from your surroundings, your smells, your family and friend.. the things in life you lived with for how many years. The way every week you'd spend a certain amount of time sitting and laughing not being scared, because your comfortable where you are, you know the people, the places, the prices even the times. 

You get pushed into a world of mayhem. Moving. Packing. Unpacking. Stressing. Organising  Setting Up. Waving Bye. Sleeping. Not sleeping. Nervousness. Drinking. Drinking. More Drinking. Meeting. Laughing. Uni. Work. Lateness. Early Mornings. No Sleep. No Food. No Drink. Stress. Assessments. 

OVERLOAD
breakdown.

Then, that one smile or voice that makes you look up wipe the tear from your eye and stand.
The one person who pulls the confidence from inside and brings it back out.

I'll always have you.

When you think you're on the verge of a meltdown they step out and bring you up.



NOW I appreciate you!!

I'll never forget that Smelly Eastbourne Lot!! ;)

This wont make sense to you.

Can I just explain one thing -

It will never go.. them.

Being Hostile...

Being hostile is not something one should be bounding about or proud of. So when someone calls me hostile/aggressive I get a little offended not how much there joking.

Being aggressive hostile towards someone suggests that one would be slightly nasty or harsh to them in certain ways, I don't think I am a mean person, I am just very sarcastic and quite patronizing but only in a joke way. If anyone knows me WELL enough the would know that I wouldn't hurt a soul I may be sarcastic/patronizing have a hot head and quite quick with my comebacks in arguments but when it actually comes down to hurting another person on this world no matter what one has done to myself I couldn't do it. I'm not a hurtful person, hell I can stick up for myself, which I've not shown at uni also I've made myself look like a tiny push over... but I don't feel the need to properly use my energy in a play fight.

Some people say all these things to you about how they think you come across quite butch and aggressive or hostile, but they clearly don't know my personality well enough to know that im probably the biggest softie you meet. I'll feel sorry for anyone, I cry at most films and cant stand seeing any animal in pain even the vile ones.

See this all happens.. then everyone gets a drop of alcohol in them and turn into these nasty, irritable, hostile human beings, who like nothing but confrontation and to try and start a fight.

I don't tolerate lot no matter whether you're drunk or sober, there are just some things that will stay in my mind like a stamp on the heart.

Just be careful.

It's a new start with a negative beginning.

I can feel myself spiraling down quickly in to a short span of depression, where my life is over taken more by the negatives and hardly a breath of fresh air for the positive for them unable to see the light. With a constant storm hanging over my shoulders and caressing my body into a trance of miserable, dull, detached characteristics.

The glint and sparkle that attached itself to my body, currently masked over by a disapproving/disappointing figure and imagination, the person I thought I was is here no longer.

Each time someone get hurts, it takes a piece of there sole and adds a numb factor. Things you've been told and Lies that you've heard making it all seem fine and dandy leaves you humiliated and left for sore.

Each person turns to be the same and every recurring dream suddenly seems insane. With a little child in our body's, growing and learning. We just learn how to lie, to cheat, to fake a smile, to fake every little detail in our entire self. We get better at hiding our true emotions and put this barrier up.

The barrier that started with something as little as Lego blocks, not heavy to eventually a cement wall, basically impossible to get down. Watching each different person try and letting them think there getting by, until the very last moment when it rebuilds itself but stronger and bigger.

Wow.. Hello

Hello Blog Buddies...
So...
Its been a while, yeah sorry about that. I've been around, been checking regularly to see if there are any comments, but I've been in such a weird place don't whether im coming or going. I've not wanted to write in the fear of scaring some of my readers off. Not that there are a lot of you left now due to the fact I have written for so long.

Big Moments in my life. -
1. I came second this year in Hastings Music Festival Singing Price Tag... I got some really awesome comments back and wasn't far off first place. Makes me a very happy bunny

2. I got a place at University, Im going to University of West London - Formerly known as St Thames Valley University - Which is also London College of Music. Confusing I know... Im going to be studying Acting for Stage and Screen BA Hons. Its a weird feeling to say that I am finally going to be going to University, at first I had to be accepted with a 160 Ucas points, which is tiny amounts anyway so that's not too much of a problem... But two days after my birthday I got a letter through saying I have been accepted for an unconditional place. Which if some of you don't know it means they don't care about my grades they want me anyway!! 

I Literally can not wait to go and set home in London, well Kingston which is just out of London. I've already started talking to most of the people on my course its pretty cool ive been having a lot of fun speaking to them all, they are pretty awesome!!

3. I did a couple of Open Mic nights with my friend Claire together we make a duo called The Stripped Beats... We are on YouTube with our first original, and we have a Facebook page for people to like if they want - http://www.facebook.com/TheStrippedBeats - Our video as well

4. I turned 18... Im a late birthday so seeing all my friends turn 18 then seeing pictures of them every week out partying was making me gutted and quite distant with some friends. So, when I turned 18 I loved it, I'll post a few cheeky pictures... :)

I'll post more often now...

dream come true

A dream come true
Miss you know who
Is back where she belongs.

On here;)

Either I Mistake your shape or...

Hello, my lovely readers.

Its been a while, I understand (Im the worst blogger ever!!)

This is a brief little summary I guess.

So because it been so long, Ive been doing a lot, inside and outside college.

I went to an audition for uni, which was nerve racking, I was bascially quivering in my boots!! I had fun though, meet a few people, including one welsh girl, this was at The University of West London, the course is based at Kingston College though, this is a really good place to study I feel, the resources they have are awesome!! He said my ucas application was really good and said that what my lectures said about me was really good quota - "Tiffany is highly recommended for your course." I was then told I would find out how it went in 10 days. 

Sunday - - - - 

Monday - - ---- I found out... I got in having to get 160 Ucas Points. YAY

I also am feeling a little unorganised at the moment in all of my lessons at college, that's not really new though to be honest.

I will also be in Hastings Musical Festival on Thursday, I will be in the pop vocal class at about 6 :) Come watch, I'll be singing Jessie J's Price Tag, hopefully I'll do well this year!! :) 

Ill try to keep up to date with this blog business!! promise (yn)