Rude much?

I really dislike students that are rude to teachers and even more so when its consistent. When I say rude I mean be harsh and bitchy... a bit of banter is great and gives you more of a joke around with them. Sometimes you have them students that are just plain right horrible. Today this was me. I did it I cant believe I was...Nicola. I mean how can you be nasty to Nicola shes lovely and nice and I wont forget about me doing it which means I'm more inclined to be really distant now and I will find myself not connecting any more as I will try to not to be rude. I'm so mad at myself for my snide remarks that I know would make me feel shit. 

I did this because I didn't get to perform...Grow up! I got a burst of UGH for 2 Min's then gone It just so happens that if anyone speaks to me whilst this happening is going to get the full front of it...The only person to speak to me was Nicola. I had to mail her, there was no need for me to be rude, she was saying sorry that I couldn't go today! 

Right now, not because of this just in general, I don't think drama is for me any more ( If my family were to see this I'd be killed ) the reason why is because I'm an emotional mess, and for me to really be able to connect with my course is to lead a really peaceful home life...something I haven't got. There's to much going on and each day I get less confidence and more and more self esteem issues...everyone has them I know and I'm not going to say I've got the worst self esteem issues and be some dick head about it (like many people I know) this is the reason behind me wearing the things I wear now.

Why would I make an effort any more...What if I've gone through all the trouble of looking nice and someone says erg or you look rough today like they normal do...Its the reason behind the joggers top and baggy jumper...Hiding, I do it all the time. 

I'm just not comfortable any more!