Does it scare you to think about losing her?
Does it hurt to think of her with someone else?
Have you ever thought about what it would be like to see her kissing another girl or guy?
Does the thought of her calling another girl or guy baby destroy you?
The thought of her cuddling and spooning someone else hurt your gut?
Knowing she's having sex with someone else literally make you want to die?
That someone is getting her attention and your not?
Do you ever just think about things like this, you see that person you are fully wrapped up in with someone else. They could be doing nothing but smiling, talking, laughing but knowing that it isn't you she does that with anymore, man its a horrid thought. Sometimes I sit and wonder if she ever has feelings like this about me, like does she sometimes think about maybe what the future holds for us, will she ever see me with another person and will it hurt her as much as it would hurt me. In my last relationship sometimes I felt I gave too much and I think we had a mutual agreement that we both loved each other equally. I do genuinely feel like the one in this relationship that loves more.
This girl, who name I don't even need to mention if you know me, but yes this girl I am completely infatuated with she seems to just be there for all the time. I guess you could say emotional I've a train wreck recently and she's been here through it all. I want to say thank you and I did.
But tonight something happened 'That someone is getting her attention and your not?' This was it, this is what happened, I watched her for about 15-20 minutes laugh and joke and smile around with some random guy giving him her attention and no one was gonna stop her. She has said sorry, and I have to forgive her, after all in technicality she did nothing wrong. I'm not going to sit here and lie but it hurt, it hurt to watch the girl you are completely in love with give her attention and time to some fucking guy that meant nothing. I sound pathetic, but sometimes I guess you put yourself out there to get hurt, and tonight was one of those nights. I don't think she will understand how tonight made me feel, but you can get a hint it was low.
The worst part is this guy that meant nothing, that she only wanted drinks off, she gave him her number and he gave her his. I think thats what stung most, why would you give out your number to some guy you think is "ugly and disgusting, with a massive scar down his face." The worst is he rang her three times after that when we were at mine, clearly wondering where she had gone. How do I make her see that I won't be taken for a fool. I don't wanna be that person to be running out of the club nearly in tears. I don't wanna be that person again, I've done that before and yeah it hardened me up made me a tad wiser but it hurt like fuck in the meantime. I know she isn't like "her" so I need to stop putting them in a similar category but how I can I not when so much of what she does is much like "her."
Im scared of losing her so I guess I'm a little funny about things.
The only things going through my mind at the moment is does she feel the same for me.
Is she as scared about losing me as I am her.
Tonight I had never felt so alone even though she was laid up right next to me.
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