Hmm

I have the most beyond beautiful girl next to me in bed. She wants cuddle and go to sleep, and I just downright refuse to cuddle her for the pure fact that all I can think about is..

Her flawless soft skin, and her gentle/rough touch. The way her body's looks so delicate yet so tough. The pure femininity that oozes from her, yet the tom boy edge she has bouncing off her. 

I can't help but just lay next to her and stare into her eyes, and just watch the world escape me, at the same time of having this fire in my belly I have this!? This.. Gentle nervousness, in the very depths of my mind. Shouting at me for letting myself so stupidly fall for someone again so quickly.

I can't help but get butterflies when I see her, and she most certainly can get me smiling when I'm being a miserable little fuck. I love waking up knowing she's there, when I set off for my runs kissing her on the head and just feeling such a sense of ease. 

Fuck.

I think I'm really falling for this girl, and I don't know how to stop myself from falling to deep. 

Like I want to but I'm just so scared. 

I don't want to turn to her and say how I feel. 

That just the other night she turns to me and repeats a conversation she had with someone 

- "nope no girlfriend, nope no boyfriend, I'm not seeing anybody" - 

I guess it hit home that I'm nothing more than just someone she likes to spend time with.

Which is nice that she likes spending a lot of time with me, but for her to say she's not seeing anyone.. Does that mean this isn't exclusive? and I have the wrong impression. 

If that's the case, and I found out she'd even kissed someone I don't know what I'd do, I can't be mad, but I wont be able to keep in how much it would aggravate me that some random or not so random boy/girl has touched her or kissed her in the way that I do.

Fuck life. 

I said I wouldn't think about it all too much. Clearly I don't listen to myself. Just stop. 

Stop.