We all want to be wanted.

Who doesn't want to be loved. Who doesn't want to be held and be told those three words. Who doesn't want to feel like the only special person.

I always thought I could go through some of my life not worrying about liking someone, concentrated on myself. I've often told people close to me that now is time for me, where I concentrate on my music. Yet her I am again. I just can't seem to help myself, I don't feel content unless I'm lusting/crushing over someone. 

I've tried to push that habit as it tends to be quite bad, as a lot of the time the feelings I seem to have are more than often unrequited. When the feelings are mutual it flies, and you find yourself in just an uproar of emotion. 

I thought I'd managed to kick that feeling this summer, when I was trying to heal and get over an ex, I didn't really like fully like anyone I had little crushes but not to the point where I wanted to hang out with them all the time. Even sex, I couldn't even think about having sex with them once let alone a few times. It was hard, I had no sex drive, I just wanted to get to know people, no one really hurt my feelings, but it was nice. I didn't sit there talking about a girl I was dating, or wonder why she hadn't message back all day. I was content

But yet,

this bizarre feeling is back, I started to appreciate and realise someone that I wanted to spend a majority of my time with. Without sounding like I'm putting everything out there, I do like her. She's funny, beautiful and I really like spending time with her. I'm not saying weehey lets just jump into a relationship or even seeing each other, but I kind of want to know where I stand. 

It has my mind completely complexed and I find my thoughts often drifting to her. She is the first thing I think about when I wake and the very last thing I think about before I sleep. 

What the frustrating part is I can't work her out, this doesn't happen at all often to me. I am normally very very good at reading what someone wants from me, whether that be friends wanting favours, or people trying to be more than friends. With her though it is very different, I don't understand if she is just having fun hanging out and etc. Or she likes me, like I said I don't mean like ready to jump into a relationship. Like is she playing hard to get!?

The worst and most annoying part is when I can't figure it out and sort of smoothness I have goes out the window, because I then tend to irritate them by constantly trying to see them so I can work out whether they do like me, and I just message all the time.

My head is bamboozled!!

I just wanna know if she feels something, or If I made this all up in my head. 

However, saying all this.. I've tried all week, so I'm stopping. 

I will now leave her alone, and let her have peace. 

So that way I then know if she doesn't contact that she doesn't feel anything.  

Thankfully my mum is coming to see me tomorrow until saturday evening, so it will take my mind off all this.