Just this time..

Just this time, I want to find myself able to not go down a spiralling staircase, causing havoc. 

Without the judgement of my peers or the disapproving looks from my relatives.

Just keep myself smiling, and away from that type of person I used to be.

Feelings.

You know when you start to talk to someone and you get that fire in your belly and that tingling across just every inch of your body. 

They wont leave your mind, and there perfume stays lingering around your clothes and nostrils for what feels like forever.

You can just see them in your mind smiling, there eyes lighting up and the way there hair sits.

You can still hear the echo of the laugh round your brain and it makes you happy.

You start to realise that you have a crush. 

Feelings.

When is the right time to tell someone, that they make you smile, laugh and they genuinely just make you happy. You enjoy there company and spending time with them.

You feel happy around them and you wanna spend all the time in the world with them. 

I recently had this feeling all over my body..

The rush of heat that would surround my body as soon as she'd walk in a room, the way that I could never take my eyes off her, I'd never directly look at her, but always in the corner of my vision there she was. 

Her eyes, were the key to her soul. You can look at them and just see so much depth. 

Well.. I did that stupid thing of telling her how I feel and now, yeah I ruined it. 

I still get every single feeling I felt before, but when you feel someone quite clearly backing away from you its hard not to get frustrated and annoyed with yourself. 

Fuck It.. 

No longer over thinking this shit, what happens, happens. Nothing I do or say will prevent from whatever is happening to happen.

This my life...

Hello,

It's been a long time, for that I can only apologise. I seem to only ever want to write when I am evaluating my life at the moment.

So here it is -

If anyone knows me personally that reads my blog they will know that I am currently on my second year of studying an acting course in London. It is amazing and I do really love it. I love acting it gives me such a thrill. Over the time of being here though I found that my passion for singing and music is kind of outgrowing the thrill of acting.
I would never and will never give up this course I am on. I am someone who likes to see things through, I'm not a quitter. Hell I used to be, let me do anything and I would quite within a matter of months, but not I pride myself on finishing things.

But because of my love for music and singing, I have come to realise that yes maybe that is what I actually want to do with my life, I couldn't care if I was sleeping in the back of a van touring up and down the UK, creating a small fan base, I'm not about making it big, and having thousand/millions of fans. For me a fan base as small as 50 people would keep me happy!! I just know that I one day do just want to play music for a living. It has taken me nearly two years to figure that out.

I also really want to travel and see the world!! I'm a firm believer of if you want to do something then do it!! There is no such thing as cant. In my eyes, if I can survive/live and travel in a first world country then I sure as well can do that in a third world country!!

So here is my plan.
1 - Finish my Acting Degree..
2 - Try out for some acting work (tv, cruise ships, theatre) and Get a full time job for 12-14 months..
3 - Travel the world for 10 months..
4 - Try and start myself up as a musician
5 - tour the UK..

So its not to amazing.. but for me right there, that little list of 6 things..
But the end of all this I should be 24, yeah I have no exact plan, and no where would be my home.
I just want to be free, this does however mean, selling lots of my things and always travelling lightly, I am a little materialistic and I would have to just let go of that attribute.. but this is really what I want.